Sunshine (again).

"You look good"


Yan ang tanging nasambit ko sa kanya nung nagkaharap na kami. Totoo naman, basing from the last time we've met, mas relaxed yung mukha nya ngayon. Maiksi na ang buhok na lalong nagpapatingkad sa kanyang mapupugay na chinitong mata. His complexion is a bit lighter, and his body a little bit toned. 


"Ikaw din"


Yan lang naisagot niya.


Siya ang tinatawag kong "Sunhine" (see previous posts), ang ex ko at kauna-unahang naka relasyon na lalake. We started our relationship a year ago around this time din. Ours was not the usual courtship kasi we became a couple before we even met each other. Ang sabi namin sa isa't-isa, we would try loving each other not because of the physical attributes but rather we banked on the emotional connection. It was January 25, 2010 that we officially became a couple, From that time, we never had an idea how each of us looked like. I fell in love with his being "pure" and innocent. He is way younger than me yet he never fails to let me feel that what we lack in physical connection (because it was a long distance relationship), he always make it up to being so sweet over the phone.


The long distance relationship went on for two months before we decided to meet up. I went to Cebu for a business meeting and we agreed that this was the time to finally unmask everything. We also agreed that if any of us won't like each other in person, then one can go out of the relationship right away. We understood that its still different when you are in love with somebody over the phone as against seeing that person in person.


We met.


Then decided to continue. Just like the person that I have loved in the phone, he look so young and innocent (did I mention good looking chinito?). On the other hand, he likes the cute "rugged" persona that I have (that's according to him). We were very "happy" that day. We just imprisoned ourselves in the hotel room and cuddled each other like newlyweds. The love between us during that time was overflowing. Every bit of his kiss and caresses were my personal heroine. I can't get enough of him and vice versa.


However, just like the saying "some good things never last", so was our relationship. From then on, it was a downhill ride. I have to admit, we were growing crazy over each other to the point of being so strict and tight. Jealousy, doubts and too much expectations took a  toll on our budding love. The difference in the discipline between us two was also highlighted during this period. (he is a nursing student, i am a working engineer)


On the third month, I ended it.


I was hurt but I never thought it was more painful to him. Young as he is, he had no idea on how to handle his very first "heartbreak". I can still remember the painful sobs and the countless tears the night I broke up with him. 


In the past, it is my unwritten rule NEVER to go back to any ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend for that matter. But now that he is in front of me, I just found myself saying these words...


"I miss you, and I hope we can give it another try"


But he just answered with a Smile.


From across the table, I can see that he is more mature than before. He is no longer the boy that used to cry for me.


I looked at the mirror beside us.


I saw a "boy" that is starting to cry because of him.        

Regrets.

...Mula sa katahimikan pagkatapos ang aking pagtatapat... 

Sunshine: Minahal mo ba ako nung tayo pa?

Ako: Oo. Bakit?

Sunshine: Minahal talaga kita noon.

Ako: Ah, ok. Thanks.

Sunshine: Sana di na kita binitiwan. Ang laki kong mangmang at gago.

Ako: Haha. Oo nga!

Sunshine: Sana ako nalang. Tayo nalang ulit. Talagang gago ako nung bumitaw ako.

Ako: Ok lang yon...

Sunshine: Talaga? (parang nabuhayan ng dugo)

Ako: Oo kasi pag di ka bumitaw, di ko sana nakita ang Pangga ko ngayon! Thanks ha!

Ouch! Aray! Taray!

Linyang pang bidang-kontrabida lang. hehehe.

Confused Guy.

I am confused, yes (about my preferences) but please don't confuse me more by playing a drama like a scene taken out from some stupid pinoy indie film.

We split...I know initiated it.. then you cried...a lot... buckets of tears.

After a few weeks I said sorry and wanted you back but you said that were already happy being single.

I decided to get over you and found some new prospects but the moment you knew about it you got yourself in the race and made the first guy you found as your boyfriend...just to make sure that you get ahead of me.

I didn't care but you always called up to know what's going on between me and my prospect.

When things look good for me and my prospect you called me up all of a sudden to tell me that you are still in love with me.

I said that I cannot leave my prospect just like that but you said that you will be waiting though it will be painful but you will still be waiting.

I tried not to believe but then again you cried....a lot again.. buckets of tears.

I reconsidered and believed then ended what was supposed to be a new relationship to go back to you but then you were not there.

I was left hanging because I believed that all you said were true and sincere but then you just did it because you do not want to see me happy by going into a new relationship.

Now I am a still single and and its sad to know that you are NOT. I am the Fool and you are the Winner.

Please just get one thing straight... that's the least we could do because our preferences are NOT.

Stop being confused because you are confusing me.

Just let go......of ME and your EGO!!!

Sunshine.

He was my first.

We met each other late last year at Planetromeo, a social networking site for knowing and possibly later on dating PLUs (People Like Us). He was way too young for me but then we hit it off the moment we talked. At first it was nothing special, a few texts every once in a while. Honestly, I wasn't expecting much from our exchanges of text messages, in fact it was so plain.

However more than a month after our first beeps, we found ourselves wanting more of each other. The text messages eventually progressed into calls every night saying the sweet goodbyes and take cares, virtual hugs and kisses. I liked the guy. In his very young age, he really had something in between the ears. He was a bit shy and reserved but somehow I always manage to bring out that scant laughter of his. But there was only one problem at that time... we have not yet seen each other.

I courted him even though we still talk "headless" with each other. Both of us never knew what one looked like. Fortunate enough, on our second month of knowing each other, we decided to make it official. It was US. I was his First and He was MINE too on January 25, 2010.

Impossible as it may seem, it took two months from being an official couple that we finally got to see each other...in flesh. Our meeting was one of those scary moments...jitters... butterflies in the stomach and thoughts of backing out every now and then... those were some of my feelings that time. I knew that if anyone of us would be disappointed on how the other persons looks then the relationship would be damned!

Then the moment of truth came......."Gwapo" was my first impression...."Cute" was his, but we both felt very surprised because we never expected that we would like each other more. It was one of those rare moments that you'd say that you are "genuinely" happy. At that time I told him:

"Can I call you my sunshine? You really are lighting up my somewhat dull and boring life" -----that was how he came to be my "Sunshine". A name that I openly share with my straight friends without them knowing that it was a guy. 

It's just too bad some things are really not meant to be. The relationship ended after three months (I will write another post how it ended). But it was one of the best three months of my life. There will never be another sunshine in my life, I know, but at least I felt how it is to love and be loved. 

But then again...who knows...after the darkness of the night...sunshine will always show up in the morning!

Right?