Confused Guy.

I am confused, yes (about my preferences) but please don't confuse me more by playing a drama like a scene taken out from some stupid pinoy indie film.

We split...I know initiated it.. then you cried...a lot... buckets of tears.

After a few weeks I said sorry and wanted you back but you said that were already happy being single.

I decided to get over you and found some new prospects but the moment you knew about it you got yourself in the race and made the first guy you found as your boyfriend...just to make sure that you get ahead of me.

I didn't care but you always called up to know what's going on between me and my prospect.

When things look good for me and my prospect you called me up all of a sudden to tell me that you are still in love with me.

I said that I cannot leave my prospect just like that but you said that you will be waiting though it will be painful but you will still be waiting.

I tried not to believe but then again you cried....a lot again.. buckets of tears.

I reconsidered and believed then ended what was supposed to be a new relationship to go back to you but then you were not there.

I was left hanging because I believed that all you said were true and sincere but then you just did it because you do not want to see me happy by going into a new relationship.

Now I am a still single and and its sad to know that you are NOT. I am the Fool and you are the Winner.

Please just get one thing straight... that's the least we could do because our preferences are NOT.

Stop being confused because you are confusing me.

Just let go......of ME and your EGO!!!

Sunshine.

He was my first.

We met each other late last year at Planetromeo, a social networking site for knowing and possibly later on dating PLUs (People Like Us). He was way too young for me but then we hit it off the moment we talked. At first it was nothing special, a few texts every once in a while. Honestly, I wasn't expecting much from our exchanges of text messages, in fact it was so plain.

However more than a month after our first beeps, we found ourselves wanting more of each other. The text messages eventually progressed into calls every night saying the sweet goodbyes and take cares, virtual hugs and kisses. I liked the guy. In his very young age, he really had something in between the ears. He was a bit shy and reserved but somehow I always manage to bring out that scant laughter of his. But there was only one problem at that time... we have not yet seen each other.

I courted him even though we still talk "headless" with each other. Both of us never knew what one looked like. Fortunate enough, on our second month of knowing each other, we decided to make it official. It was US. I was his First and He was MINE too on January 25, 2010.

Impossible as it may seem, it took two months from being an official couple that we finally got to see each other...in flesh. Our meeting was one of those scary moments...jitters... butterflies in the stomach and thoughts of backing out every now and then... those were some of my feelings that time. I knew that if anyone of us would be disappointed on how the other persons looks then the relationship would be damned!

Then the moment of truth came......."Gwapo" was my first impression...."Cute" was his, but we both felt very surprised because we never expected that we would like each other more. It was one of those rare moments that you'd say that you are "genuinely" happy. At that time I told him:

"Can I call you my sunshine? You really are lighting up my somewhat dull and boring life" -----that was how he came to be my "Sunshine". A name that I openly share with my straight friends without them knowing that it was a guy. 

It's just too bad some things are really not meant to be. The relationship ended after three months (I will write another post how it ended). But it was one of the best three months of my life. There will never be another sunshine in my life, I know, but at least I felt how it is to love and be loved. 

But then again...who knows...after the darkness of the night...sunshine will always show up in the morning!

Right?

Macho Dancer.

Jogging at 4:30 in the morning was one of the things that I promised to do when I had a 2 weeks leave from work. I figured, I have to start my healthy living (char).

After a jog two days ago, I decided to play some music inside my room and continue my exercise. sit-ups....push-ups and some dancing. I was into having fun all by myself so I decided to dance like a Macho Dancer.

Groove to the right....sway to the left then doing the very infamous "wave" of the body which is very much typical of macho dancing. I was really into it ,in fact feel na feel ko, macho dancer talaga when somebody from behind spoke.

"Hoi, anung nangyari sa'yo??? para kang u-od na natnaggalan ng kalahati ng katawan"

I froze...then looked back, it was my Mother. "What the fuck"--I thought! I was caught red-handed. In my desire not ot make the situation so awkward, I answered.

"Nay, I am just trying to burn my bilbil"....to which she replied

"Wehhhhhhhh" with a smile.

Hahaha. Damn!!! Lesson learned: Lock the doors when doing shameful acts!

Washafuke!

Nagpapalibog.

The word above means entirely two different things in Tagalog and Bisaya. In tagalog it means getting horny about someone/something and in bisaya it means having second thoughts. But as far as I know they mean both for one person in my life right now...Ahred.

I met him in a chatroom just a few days ago. He was basically an asshole the whole time. All he did was ask if somebody was interested to pay him for sex. I didn't even bother to give him a piece of my attention when I accidentally clicked his name. His picture popped out.

 

I was so sure that I have seen him from before, his pic looks like Joross Gamboa but then again I wasn't quite sure because he had his shades on. Since I was already about to be bored I decided to check him out.

At first he was really consistent about finding a "sponsor" and I played along offering him to be his manager. I guess he took the bait later because he suggested that we go on private chat. I was really expecting that he would be serious about it so I gave him some tips and promised to give contacts of willing preys, but then it turned out that he was just fooling around and in fact was really a "good" guy.

Because he appreciated my care despite not knowing him, we decided to trade numbers and started talking that night. The seconds turned into minutes and the minutes turned into one full hour of just talking with each other.

However it was far from a "kilig" talk but rather just a simple, casual and a lot of "laughter" talk. At the end of the call, I can still remember what he said:

" I had so much fun... Buti nalang nakilala kita, ang sarap mo palang kausap"

Then things happened so fast the next day...we had a cam to cam chatting then exchanged pictures and added each other up as friends in facebook. That night also we talked for three (3) straight hours. I know that all of you may think that these things could be a prelude to something special but the only problem is...

We both promised from the start that we will just be friends..."tropa lang" was what he clearly said. But oftentimes he is very sweet and appreciative of all the things that we talk about. Tsk... I just wish that things would change as the "friendship" progresses. Here is his pic:

Now tell me... if you know somebody like him...di ba

Malilibog ka din??? Both in its tagalog and bisaya meaning. Hehehe

Washafuke---Jay.

Welcome to my Secret Garden.

They say that behind every person is a little secret that we all try to cope up with...

Experiences from the past...Hidden desires...And true identities.

Every single one of US has ONE and I call mine... my Secret Garden.

Experiences of being a discreet bisexual...Hidden desires for the same sex and my true identity.

This is me, Jay...And welcome to my secret garden.