I don't know me.

These past few months have been so tumultuous for me. It was during these times that my confusion on myself has been stronger than ever. They say that maturity comes with age but I guess that does not apply to me. These past few months I have been so reckless. Reckless with money...reckless with other people's hearts...and reckless with my own behavior.


I feel that I am in state of constant commotion. I want to keep on going with whatever I like without even stopping a bit to think about any impacts of my actions. I have hurt a lot of people already with being tactless, but I always convince myself that it is just being straightforward and a little honesty won't hurt. I have been spending like crazy, most of the time in drinking with my friends and taking care of the bill after, again, I would just tell myself that it is hard earned money so I must party harder. I behave differently in some occasions, behaviors that I myself could not imagine doing, but I would always try to reason out that it is acceptable because of my designation. I would make myself believe that I could always get away with it because I have the higher salary..I have the higher position and I have the higher place in the society.


I am not the person I used to be and far from the person I wanted to be. This is not what I wanted for me to become. This is not me. These are not the things that I am capable of. I cannot believe the hurt I have inflicted to others and the havoc that I burdened myself with. As I look upon myself in the mirror...I just realized one thing...


I don't know ME.